


Loss

by bluemermaiid



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Angst, Cat's pov, Don't Judge Me, Established Relationship, Experimental Style, F/F, I Don't Even Know, Not Really Character Death, Pain, SuperCat March Madness, i will probably delete this, supercat angst week, supercat march madness angst week
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-28
Updated: 2016-03-28
Packaged: 2018-05-29 15:23:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,814
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6381799
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bluemermaiid/pseuds/bluemermaiid
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After Supergirl's enemies grab ahold of Cat, she feels confronted with her own demons and leaves National City, leaving behind a heartbroken Kara.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Loss

**Author's Note:**

> /Please read/
> 
> This is my attempt at a different writing style, so this is a sort of experimental fic. I mostly just wanted to convey feelings/sensations of angst instead of focusing so much on following a storyline. I don't know if it will work, I hope it does.
> 
> There is no specific timeline for this story, all you need to know is that in this universe Kara and Cat have been a couple for a while.

The twilight stained the blue sky in orange and yellow tones, the last sight of natural light for the day bittersweetly vanishing into the horizon. The once over illuminated apartment was now dark and lifeless, the curtains were drawn and everything was neatly arranged as if no one had been there in days: it was empty despite being completely furnished. A small piece of paper stood out from the immaculate organized living room, it was a blue envelope with a single word written on the outside.

* * *

 

 

" _Kara_ ", Winn rushed her as she walked out of the service elevator.

"Not now, Winn", she moved quickly, with long steps, "There might be a new threat in town and I have to tell Cat about it -"

"That's what I wanna talk about", he squeezed her arm.

"What? Did something happen?", Kara's first instinct was to glance over Cat's office. It was empty.

"Cat...", he definitively didn't know how to say it and he wished he wasn't the one to be in that position. Her eyes pierced him. "Left. Cat left".

"She went home? Is Carter sick?", she began to move back towards the elevator, but Winn's grip stopped her once again.

"No, Kara", he sighed and closed his eyes before blurting out, "Left left. She left town. She gathered us all and announced she would take some time off... to solve a personal matter. She didn't say for how long".

"Oh", she frowned, "She didn't tell me".

Kara immediately thought of Adam, that maybe something was wrong with him and Cat hadn't told her because she thought it could create an uncomfortable situation. But somehow that didn't seem enough of a motive for Winn to be staring at her with such a distressed face.

"What, Winn?", she incisively asked. She knew he hadn't been exactly keen of her relationship with Cat at the start, but it had definitively felt as if they were past that.

"She didn't seem okay, Kara. She had Carter sent away to a sort of camp thing on another town. And she told me...", he paused and with a look she begged him to say it, "... to take care of you".

Suddenly everything was muted and all she could hear was her heart pounding on her chest, drumming on her ears. The girl of steel trembled as if she was a thin sheet of paper flowing in the wind, and again she felt that heavy pressure in her heart.

* * *

 

 

Strong fingers ripped the envelope opened, tears stained through the ink. Her knees gave in and she finally collapsed on the floor, unsure of what to do, understanding but not wanting to believe, searching for a solution but only finding pain. Blue eyes went over the same lines over and over, as her heart shattered with each word written.

Separating Supergirl from Kara Danvers was a seemingly easy task, but when newer and stronger enemies decided to focus all their energies on destroying Supergirl Cat and Carter had been exposed to a great risk - and she knew how lucky she had been for not having lost them. She couldn't blame Cat for not being able to handle it. The last attack had been much too vicious for her to ever contest her lover's decision.

She gripped the letter as the tears poured down her eyes. It was as if Krypton was exploding all over again, as if she was once again alone and lost, watching the ruins of what she loved. As if she had lost her world all over again.

* * *

 

 

The sun was dawning, soft rays of light highlighted the gold in her hair, the weather was just cold enough to match how she felt, she hugged herself like a small child. Cat closed her eyes and let her skin absorb the last bit of natural warmth for the day. She tried not to think of Kara, but she knew better than to expect her mind to not go back to that place again. That place where she was happy, and she felt protected and safe. Where she felt like the Cat Grant she had been and known her whole life. Now she just felt pathetic. Running away, leaving a media empire, shipping her son somewhere else - she didn't recognize herself. Neither did she recognize the empty and lost face that watched her over through the mirror, judging her, mocking her, demanding an explanation for it all.

The footprints that followed her didn't feel like her own, and as she entered the small motel suite she was once again faced with the questions that tormented her ever since she had fled National City. What did she expect to find on the dark roads, on the cheap motel rooms? Did she expect to find solace? Resolution maybe? Maybe she just wanted to be absolved.

Hot water ran down her back, softening her skin but not relaxing her muscles. Her caramel eyes watched her own hands play with the waterfall that flowed through the shower and washed over her. _If only I felt clean_ , she hopelessly thought to herself. She didn't remember feeling so dirty since she had left Adam as a little boy - despite what she convinced herself and everyone around her. Now she felt all dirty again. Kara deserved more than just a poorly written letter and an empty bedroom. She deserved more than to feel abandoned in her own home, by the woman who had insisted so much for her to open up and just be honest. She deserved more than to feel like a hurricane: a phenomena that blew over everything, leaving a trail of destruction as it went. And that's how Cat had made her feel - Cat knew it. Cat knew Kara would blame herself for starting the relationship and putting her and Carter at risk, Cat knew Kara would regret telling her she was Supergirl, Cat knew Kara would feel like the ground was pulled over from her feet just like it had happened thirteen years ago.

She laid down on the bed and ignored the urges to turn the TV on, instead, she just watched the ceiling. The night fell through, but the dark wasn't able to comfort her, just like the light hadn't been able. Her cheek was damp and before she could realize she was sobbing, her body rocking and aching as each sob burned through her throat and came out in soft cries through her lips. She fell asleep as her mind brought her back to a place in which no doubts existed, no pain, just Kara and her in love.

* * *

 

 

The morning woke her up with thin rays of light poking through the cheap curtains. Cat watched her face in the mirror as it began to fade into an indistinguishable blur. Her fingers held onto the wall, her other hand brushed through her hair, traced the lines around her eyes, followed the contour of her mouth. She sighed and wiped a stray tear.  A little girl wiped her eyes and smiled at Cat through the glass, it was a forced smile, but she smiled back. The girl fixed her hair in an updo, wanting to look like a grown up. She now recognized herself in the mirror. She recognized the little girl pretending to be an adult, wanting to escape a world she couldn't control. She recognized a Cat Grant she hadn't known ever since she was a child: a terrified Cat Grant.

The burden she carried wasn't the burden of not being able to cope with being Supergirl's lover, it wasn't the burden of being a constant target, it wasn't even the burden of a distressed mother. What she carried was the shame of admitting to something she hadn't throughout her whole life: being afraid. Cat Grant never showed fear, never showed hesitation. And still, ever since she first held Kara to herself all she felt was terror. She was a coward. She hadn't had the courage to confess how terrified she was: of dying at the hands of one of Kara's enemies, of losing Carter to one of them, of losing Kara. Everyday was a battle, a battle Supergirl fought, a battle her Kara fought, and a battle she fought inside herself. She had been foolish to think she could handle her own anxiety and the intrusive thoughts that corroded her brain each time Kara said "Duty calls". Her biggest fear wasn't being alone for the rest of her life - like she had once thought it was- her biggest fear was also Kara's biggest fear: Loss.

Her eyes flickered through the room, finally settling on her phone. It had been a week since she had left National City, and every single moment she was awake all she did was worry about Kara. What had been the point of escaping anyhow? She laughed at herself. She couldn't escape her love for Kara. Then she might as well just admit her fears and work through them. Wasn't staying away from Kara losing her anyway? She figured it was worse not knowing what was happening. And she couldn't make Kara feel like her biggest fear had also become real.

Cat packed her bags and put them over the back of her rented car before turning her way back to the city she had abandoned a week earlier. Maybe Kara would forgive her, but what mattered is that she couldn't stand to be without her sunny Danvers a single second more.

* * *

 

 

Hooked to a monitor and an IV lay the body of the hero the whole city worshiped. Alex watched her with saddened eyes, her mind going over everything that had happened, wondering what she could have done differently to have spared her sister from such a horrible settlement.

"What happened?".

Another distraught face, another question she couldn't satisfy.

"Kara walked into a trap", Alex said in a whisper.

"Is she...?", Winn touched her arm just slightly enough to get her attention.

"No. But she's barely hanging. She's basically in what we call a coma", she heard her voice but she didn't believe it was her own.

Footsteps approached. A pair of hands settled on her shoulders, holding them smoothly but firmly.

"Come on, Alex. There's nothing we can do. She has to fight for herself now", J'onn J'onzz voice was soft.

"What do you mean?", Winn asked.

"Just what I said. She has to bring herself back to this world. She has to want to live. We can't do that for her".

Swallowed tears, Alex touched her sister's face, pleaded her to come back. J'onn pulled her away.

"Where's Cat?", Alex cried, "If she was here, Kara wouldn't have..."

"I don't know where she is", Winn muttered, "But I'm sure she will come back. She has to".

Three pair of eyes locked together, the thought shared translated into words.

"Let's hope it's not too late".

**Author's Note:**

> Ps.: The thing that attacks Kara (the "trap" Alex mentioned) is similar to the black mercy.


End file.
